Dear Pungents, I need a few good puns about cross-country running. ~Will, Atlanta, Georgia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Diarrhea afflicts cross country athletes a lot: it's a case of the runs.
2. Cross-country runners love to chase trail.
3. How do runners get to work? They take the terrain.
4. Running amid sharp branches could cut open your jogular.

Dear Pungents, a politically correct but still amusing pun for the element bromine, for a class assignment. ~Chloe, Fernandina Beach

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Bromine is the only liquid non-metal: that takes a lot of peri audacity.
2. I decided to take potassium bromide after a convulsation with my doctor.
   
3. Leaving bromine in a room full of iodides is a oxidant waiting to happen.
   

Dear Pungents, I need something about Niels Bohr, preferably a physics joke. ~Samantha, Dallas-Forth Worth, Texas

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Kneels Boar was known for fellating pigs. He was insecure about his manhood, especially compared to Max Planck.
2. Bohr disagreed with Einstein. After all, he New tons.
3. He could have invented particle accelerators, but they were too Bohr-ring.

Dear Pungents, a pun on gambling--dice rolls or luck-based. ~Alex, Belfast, Northern Ireland

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The Vatican is against gambling--except for games of Gregorian chance.
2. Gambling addicts have a hard time earning a living wager.
3. Dice Another Day (Double Owe Seven?)

Dear Pungents, I'm a longtime World of Warcraft player and I need a pun for a Tauren deathknight for the upcoming expansion. Outdo "Grazethedead" please. ~Kurt, Bellevue, Washington

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Member of the Piece Corpse.
2. Tauren a hole in the wall.

Dear Pungents, I've got a line of jewelery based around vaginas. I'm looking for some puns based around vaginas for my website. Please help as I'm not funny ~Beth, Leeds, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Muff and polish your jewelry.
2. I do like beaver pelts, but not vagina jewels.
3. Diamonds in the muff.
4. Time to go muff diamond.
5. Evulvalution in jewelry.
6. Present it to your loved one in the vulva'd-covered box.

Dear Pungents, I need a pun that uses the word nickel, and incorporates the fact that it doesn't corrode. ~Rhiannon, Calgary, Alberta

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Nickel doesn't corrode: it's metal-allergic to rust.
2. I can't find rust on a nickel using my five centses.
3. Unlike a cowboy, nickel doesn't corrode into the sunset.

Dear Gents, I need a pun that incorporates the sciences and music. Preferably from the current pop culture or maybe rap/reggaeton. ~Jazmin, La Jolla, CA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Math-ter P
2. Yo G = 9.8 m/s²
3. The law of afro-ges?
4. When you combine Beethoven and Mozart, what do you get? Moz Deaf

Dear Gents, a group of my friends and I are in a Big Lebowski bowling tourney this weekend and need a team name. Any help? ~Jeff, Denver, CO

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The Big Strikeowski
2. Flea our Wrath (We're Good Gutter Players)
3. Spara Reid

Dear Pungents, I would like a pun about a white chocolate bar called White Delight. ~Beci, Liverpool, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Cocoahead
2. Certainly whiter than Eminem's...
3. Mt. Fudgey
4. Chocasian!

Dear Pungents, something with the name 'Melissa' please. ~Melissa, Johor Bahru, Malaysia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT

1. Melissa is so mean: she's full of Melissa-essness.
2. Sikhs find her so attractive: she's a Sikh-heating Melissa'l.
3. Melissa, my lass.

Dear Pungents, an aggressive name for a roller derby skater using the word pixie or fairie. ~Mark

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Fairie Dangerous
2. The Pixie Dickheads
   
3. Pixie Your Nose.
4. Wheel Fairie You to Your Death.

Dear Pungents, I need something related to special education; irreverant is ok! I have taught sp.ed. for 18 years and have a great sense of humor about it. ~Christine, Cleveland, Ohio

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Retarded amputee children have special knees.
2. ADHD kids love puns -- they need their riddlin' on a daily basis.
3. Special ed classrooms are very secure: they're usually double- or triple-dolted.

Dear Pungents, I am making saxophone section T-shirts for a marching band, and would love to include a one-liner pun about saxes. Thanks! ~Julie, Denver, Colorado

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Horny for a Blow
2. Pay for Sax? -- Slip me a tenor!
3. We love phone-Sax
4. We reed music.
5. We toot our own horns.

Dear Pungents, I need a 10-pin bowling team name. We are two guys and two girls; we're in the legal department for Hilton Hotels and we have just been taken over by a group called Blackstone. ~John, London, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Wearing Pin Striked Suites
2. Balls Inn the Gutter
3. Spare Room at the Inn?

Dear Pungents, I play Toontown and want to name my black cat "Inna Galaxy Fur Away" but it keeps getting rejected. Any help with a play on words would be appreciated. Thanks a million! ~Tina, Louisville, Kentucky

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Furrocious
2. Clawedball
3. CTRL-Tabby
4. Jack Black Cat

Dear Pungents, I need some puns for categories on an email I am sending: classical is the first, then R&B and soul, and hard rock and metal. ~Eve, Maidenhead

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Head of the Classical
2. Souler System
3. Hard Rock Abs
4. Breakfast at R&B's [Arby's]
   
5. Gold Metal
6. Test Your Metal

Dear Pungents, my school choir is running a concession stand for various sports, and we want a musically related pun as a name for the stand, that might also have to do with us selling snacks. Any ideas? ~Callie, Florence, Oregon

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The clef'd palette
2. A-choir snacks here.
3. Our food will make (m)u sic.
4. Bar. Rest. Beat (it).
5. Follow the smellody
6. Hummus a tuna?
7. Porchestra
8. Your stomach's in treble.

Dear Pungents, I need a pun for an article about film stars (actors, directors etc) who go on to success after studying at Oxford University. I've got 'From dreaming spires to screaming admirers' but I need something punchier. ~Guy, Oxford, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. From Oxford to Oscar
2. From Oxford to Fox's Door
3. Hired Education
4. Academia to the Academy
5. Do the Oxtrot
6. They Rhodes into the Sunset
7. From Latin Mass to Matinee Lass

Dear Pungents, can I get a few puns on racism? Not racist puns obviously—I'm mixed-race—but dealing with the subject, maybe making fun of racists if you understand. Thanks. Big up, keep doin ya things. ~Ed Azocul, Glucoseville

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. How do you get rid of racism? Erasism.
2. Racists are nutty. Just look at the cuckoo klux klan.

Dear Pungents, our touch football team needs a new name, we are being sponsored by a fruit and veg company so would love any reference to that to be a part of it. ~Steph, Brisbane, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Strawberry Fields Forever
2. Time to Grow a Pear
3. We Will Squash You
4. Quit Punkin ON Us

Dear Pungents, I need a pun for a marathon relay team name. Each member of the team will run a half-marathon for the first time. Thanks. ~Brian, New York City

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Relay Fast Runners
2. Baton Rookies
3. I Like Big Batons

Dear Pungents, I need a team name for my law school intramural team. We will play (American) football, baseball, and a few other sports. Anything legal jargon-y will be great! ~Matt, Austin, TX

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The Tortoises
2. The Laws Causes
3. The Curly Suits
4. Razing the Bar

Dear Pungents, a pun about getting children back to nature, as they are our future conservationists. ~Kendall, London, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Greening up is hard to do.
2. Nature: Youth it or lose it.
3. Leaf it to the young people.
4. Taught young bawdies.

Dear Pungents, a pun for a four-person cycling team in the Real Man Challenge. Biking for testicular cancer ~Megan, London, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Going Going Gonads!
2. Teste fy!
3. Get Behind the Eight Balls
4. Tired of Cancer
5. Wheel End Cancer
6. The Droop Troup (Don't leave our members danglin')
7. Nuts and Bolts

Dear Pungents, I need a pun using the word "score" or "lead" in reference to stained glass for a home-based business. ~Jennifer, Burlington, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. In the Lead
2. Leader of the Glass
3. Leading Scorer

Also

4. Blame it on the Stain
5. Glass Knows (if you've got Russian clients?)

Dear Pungents, my sister is having a beach wedding, and I need something for a banner to put outside the reception hall AND to use at her bachelorette party. ~Leash, Mexico, Missouri

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Enter Sandmen
2. Full Surfice Bar
3. Wave Hello
4. Let's get married, sunnier rather that later.

Dear Pungents, I use to have lot of friends when I was doing my MBA. But now no friends keep in touch. They don't even call. ~Apurva, Mumbia, India

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Graduating from business school has been the MBAne of our friendship.
2. All this networking is notworking for me.
3. Since we all got jobs in the big city, it seems like Mumbai's the word.

Dear Pungents, I need a bowling team name for three girls and a guy. We are all accountants at a CPA firm. Thanks so much. ~Sara, Destin, FL

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Accoun-ten Pins!
2. The Money Shot
3. Strike Gold
4. Spare Change
5. Split Assets

Dear Pungents, I am an Australian living in London, who is about to enter a cannonball-run type race across Europe called the Scumball 3000, with another Aussie. Four days to cross Europe, no rules, max car cost 500. We need a good name for our car team, something that hints at travel. All I got is the John Cole Train Delays and Ceribal Pallbearers. Any help would be appreciated. band names funny. Mention of speed / famous racers/ Steve McQueen is awesome. Help me Obi Wan... ~Dave, London, UK

AS THE PUN GENT SEE IT:

1. Unlawful Car-nal Haulage
2. Speed Your Pants
3. Eurogenous Zone
4. Rahauling Ass (Bobby Rahal)
5. Andretti, Set, Go

Dear Pungents, I need a short-ish pun for the Oxford women's rugby team going on tour to Belgium. can be rude. ~Laura, Oxford, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Spitting Flem
2. Belchin' in Belgium
3. Belgian up Flem
4. The Oxford Brugesers

Dear Pungents, I need a name for a shop selling bridesmaid dresses —something like Maid in Heaven etc that is unique and isn't taken. 'Damsels in Dis-Dress' was not suitable apparently. ~Steve, Glasgow, Scotland

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Aisle Never Wear You Again
2. Bouquet-Cocky
3. Maid Marryin'
4. Bridezillions

Dear Pungents, apparently there's a scene in the Sex in the City movie where a girl is naked except for sushi... I thought this must have pun-tential but couldn't come up with the goods myself. Please help! ~Andy, Leeds, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The bento-ver box
2. Ooo naghi!
3. She gets a rice out of me.
4. Feel like maki some love?

Dear Pungents, wedding puns please. ~Janet, Saint John, NB

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Show me the matrimony!
2. Bride the Lightning
3. The wedding was going to cost a gazellion dollars, so I helped my aunt elope; she said 'Thanks deer! When I saw the bill, I bissed my pants.'

Dear Pungents, I'm making a music site for musicians to network, and want to use the word 'band' and something else. It will be for the URL. ~Mollie, Spokane, WA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT

1. Band Together
2. Band Job
3. Band-Garagenous Zone
4. Band-with

Dear Pungents, I and seven other college-age women are competing in an 80-mile relay called Woods to Water. We need a team name that could also serve as inspiration for costumes. Help!
~Sara, Northfield, MN

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The 8-team
2. The Miley Sore Asses
3. The Woody Wood-Packers
4. Water Relaytionship!

Dear Pungents, this service is ace! Well done. I'm going to be talking to a group of conservationists soon and would like puns based around the words 'wildlife' or 'wild', with a nature/adventure theme. If you can help that'd be amazing. cheers. ~Matt, Bristol, England

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Conservationists live the wild life.
2. I nude you weren't just naturists!
3. I commend you for following the natur-o-path.
4. Well, well... it sure has been a wild.
   

Dear Pungents, I need beach-related puns I can use on posters to inform and invite our hospital intensive care staff to a beach party. ~Brendon, Columbus, OH

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Come on out to the sun of a beach party.
2. We have the cure for your ocean splints.
3. ICU at the beach.
4. Don't be a trauma queen; come out to the beach.

Dear Pungents, puns about strippers please. ~Sophie, Luton, England

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Do strippers charge customers by the guy rate?
2. Be careful getting involved in stripping—there are a lot of poleitics.
3. It's hard to get into stripping—the positions are very clothes'd off.
4. Strippers can't play guitar. They're missing their G-string.

Dear Pungents, I need a bowling team name. The team consists of two guys and two girls and we are in the architecture field. ~Fred, Dallas, TX

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Strike First
2. Lane in Ruins
3. Bowl Faced Lies
4. Balls to the Walls
5. Architects of De Spare

Dear Pungents, a pun for a a friend's 25th birthday. She is a great fan of Scrabble and a part-time go-go dancer. ~Jason, New York City

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Letter do what she wants
2. Spell binding
3. Triple-Whored Score
4. Arse and Letter

Dear Pungents, we need a name for our bowling team. We work for the Ontario Works office in Norfolk County. Any assistance would be appreciated. ~Janice, Simcoe, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Get Folked
2. After Works Activity
3. Strike Workers
4. Workers on Strike
5. Spare Workers

Dear Pungents, a pun about psychologist suffering from jet lag. ~John, Galway, Ireland

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. My brain is totally Freud.
2. I'm not as Jung as I used to be.
3. I'm having trouble getting over id. (c/o Kevin De Souza)

Dear Pungents, I'm doing a presentation on the ethics of gene patents, so a few puns with 'gene' or 'patents' would make good slide headers. ~Alvin, Deland, FL

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Your patent looks good in those genes.
2. Genes that are too restrictive can make you impatent.
3. Breaking patent law is the KISS of Death, aka Gene Summons.
4. Tight genes accentuate DNA.
5. Act 1, Gene 1

Dear Pungents, a name for school cafeteria cooks, please. ~Linda, Lumberton, MS

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Animal Gruelty
2. Stew dense
3. Souper Intendants
4. Ingredientertainers

Dear Pungents, we are a chartered accounting firm (KPMG) that needs a name for the company slo-pitch team. ~Curtis, Kelowna, BC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Don't Mess with Taxes
2) The Fiscal Specimens
3) Team Gross
4) Debtor up!
5) Escrow Yourselves
6) Champions of FIFO
7) Long Drive to the GAAP
8) Junk Bonds

Dear Pungents, a genome-sequencing-related softball team name please! ~Purnima, Boston, MA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Allele Leaguers
2) The DNAsty
3) Genome Runs
4) DeoxyRBIboses (ack that's pretty bad)

Dear Pungents, my uncle, Pembroke Hart, recently passed and I will be saying a few words at his service. He loved puns and I want to end my speech with one in his honour. He was a geologist and amateur star gazer. He was loved by many and had a kind heart. Can you help me? I think Hart and heart are definitely in the pun. Thanks! ~Laura, Annandale, Virginia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) He was a geologist. Underneath the many layers is how you get to a man's Hart, after all.
2) I'm left Hart-broken.
3) He was all heart. And a Hart act to follow.
4) He loved puns. Harty Harty Har.
5) He also loved to stare at the heavens through his telescope, as the stars illuminated the sky. I guess you'd say he had a light Hart.

Dear Pungents, I need a name for my dental school softball team; something more catchy than Dent-in Your Face and Cavity Search--which is what we used last year. Thanks for the help! ~Jack, Philadelphia, PA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Wins and Flosses
2. Who Caries?
3. The Bat Dentists
4. The Bucky Dents
5. The Plaque Socks

Dear Pungents, I'm working on a science experiment having to do with temperature and its effects on luminescent bacteria. We need a catchy name for the title. Thanks a bunch. ~Jamie, Hillsboro, Kansas

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Shiny Happy Photobacterium
2) Lightening Rhodococcus of Controversy
3) Glow in the Dokdonella
4) The Battle of Thermophile

Dear Pungents, we need a team name for an art trivia contest. Heavily considering your "Jackson Potlucks," since we are in Minnesota. Any other ideas? Thanks! ~Tiffany, Rochester, MN

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) The Leonerdos!
2) House of Paint
3) Pollock Bollock
4) Geek Architecture
5) The Baroquerage

Dear Pungents, I need a bowling team name for charity bowling tournament. Fairly clean is the requirement. The company sells hunting and fishing licenses if you can work that in. ~Helen, Nashville, TN

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Hooker's Lane."
2) "Spare Fishers."
3) "Shotgun alley."

Dear Pungents, Please give unto the world a pun regarding government. ~Colin, Sherwood Park, Alberta, Canada

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "I live in a satirical state. It's a them-mock-racy."
2) "Politicians should take care in a demockracy - a sassy nation is always a possibility."
3) "We'd try to think of US government puns, but we're too bushed."
4) "Does Japan have a buy-camera parliament?"
5) "It's no surprise that Hillary is running for president - she always wanted to be the senator of attention."

Dear Pungents, need a bowling team name pun that also incorporates substance abuse and/or disciplinary action. Bonus points if it also incorporates lawyers/the law. Thanks!!! ~Matt, Chicago, Illinois

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Lane down the law."
2) "Lucky strikes bowling"
3) "Here come the cops - we'd better split!"
4) "Pins and Needles."
5) "Spare me a dime for some lucky strikes?"

Dear Pungents, I'd like a pun for patent attorneys: anything to do with science and technology, inventions, and/or the law. ~Charmaine, Denver, Colorado

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "The Belgians are upset that they never get credit for the invention of fries. It's a case of copyright inFrenchment."
2) "Pornstars acquire property rights for their films at the trademark orifice."
3) "Counterfeit perfumes are in violation of lie-scentsing agreements."
4) "Patent law: aka the Statute of Imitations."

Dear Pungents, puns please on the following words/topics: gun, gangster, grime, music , rap , freestyle, fresh. ~Xavier, Brighton, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Someone's gunna get shot!
2) "Clean up your act, because grime doesn't pay."
3) "I didn't see the hitman's target. Did Al Cap one?"
4) "Too many cooks spoil the broth. Especially with gang-stirs."
5) "Ancient Greeks builders were known for their frieze-tiling. When they tried to throw down rhymes they didn't throw up no bricks."

Dear Pungents, I'm making a documentary film about dental floss. (Really.) I think I've come up with a good title: "Hanging by a Thread: A Dental Floss Documentary." And a good tag line: "There is more to floss than meets the tooth." But I wanted to check if you have other suggestions. Gary Hallock told me about your site. I'm writing a book of puns and Gary wrote the foreword for it. Thanks for your help! ~Gary, Boston, MA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) The Thin Thread Line
2) Tooth or Dare
3) Profit and Floss
4) Flossed and Found
5) There is more to floss than meets the eyetooth
6) Flosstitution isn't just for johns
7) Flossing - don't get caried away!

Dear Pungents, I'm on a women's tennis team in San Francisco. We're looking for a clever name for our team. Any thoughts? ~Nina, San Francisco

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Elle Deuces (El Duce)
2) The Racketteers
3) The Rackettes
4) Microserves (Microserfs)
5) The Lob-yists
6) Sets in the City

Dear Pungents, "Malaysia's 50th Merdeka is so meaningful because..." ~Melissa, Johor Bahru, Malaysia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "We now enjoy a good Kuala-ty of life."
2) "We're all decked with jewelry. That's why we celebrate in de' pendants."
3) "Because a George colony is much less sexy than George Clooney."
4) "We've reached middle Asian we're having fun!"

Dear Pungents, I need a pun for my sister who is doing a master's in archaeology in the Orkney Islands, Scotland. Her name is Shannon. ~Mike, Halifax, Nova Scotia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Haggis yourself a good time! They'll be lots of Scottish Shannonigans!"
2) "Careful, I heard those islands are pretty disOrkneyized."
3) "Those who study arc heel ology are never caught flat footed."

Dear Pungents, My wife is a professional ballerina who is retiring after 16 years. A solo has been created for her incorporating a theme of seashells. I'm proud of my own punmanship, and I don't want to mussel in on your territory, but I figured I'd call out the heavy artillery for this one. There's a big retirement party for her, and I want as many "shell" references (without straying too far into the overall "ocean" or "fish" themes). I've got the obvious: Lawrence Whelk, shellfish/selfish, but I'll take any assistance you guys can come up with! With friends like you guys, who needs anemones? ~Lorne, Winnipeg, MB

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Meet George Jetsam.
2) Sea shells Sanctuary (the Cult song, hello??)
3) She's Prawn Quixote and I'm her Concho Panza.
4) Oh, the clamity!
5) I hope the critics won't chiton her routine.
6) If Pat Sajak were here he'd ask 'Would you like to bi a valve?'
7) We thought about calling it 'Return to Sander'.
8) This place has pretty good fossilities.
9) I'm lucky to have my wife. I'm glad she was the marine type.

Dear Pungents, We're about to join a couples bowling league and need a team name. Thanks! ~Jason and Karen, Cumberland, RI

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) Clark Kent and Lois Lane
2) (Don't) Strike Your Spouse
3) Love to Spare
4) We're not Splitsville!
(all plays on words)

Dear Pungents, please describe my job as a professional video producer: I shoot and edit video tours of 'reel estate' for sale or rent. The videos can be produced for other businesses, too. Finally, these short films are for streaming on the Internet. ~Jay, Providence, Rhode Island

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Jay V See
2) Jay-V's Home Videos
3) Veni Vidi Video.
4) Short films aka Vidgets
5) The ProdiJay
6) "See videos of your new home on Jay's Internest Streaming."

Dear Pungents, I'm taking a group of high school girls to Spain for spring break, and we're making t-shirts for the trip. Any ideas for a good Spanish pun? My dad suggested the old "Jose, can you see" joke. Can you all do better? Thanks. ~Kathleen, Marion, Kentucky

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) No Spain, no gain
2) Basque in the glow
3) Iberia? I hear ya!
4) Who's pain for this vacation anyway?
5) We're having a paella of fun.
6) The Toureadors
7) Maraca and roll!
8) Sevillization, here we come.
9) Kentucky girls get drunk in Barsaloona.
10) The Star Spanglish Banner!

Dear Pungents, I am part of a UK dance troupe and we are looking for a name for ourselves. We were thinking something to do with 'north', 'angels', 'dance' etc. The best we came up with was Independance, but it's taken. Please help us. Thanks! ~Lisa, Newcastle, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The Dance Cap
2. Waltz Disney
3. Ballet cats (like alley cats)
4. Ballrumour
5. The Floorists
6. Leggends
7. Hot Bawdies
8. The Right Angels
9. The Leaping Lezzos
10. Steposaurus
11. 12 Step Program
12. The Troupadores
13. Angel Station
14. Sleeping Booty
    
15. Northogonal
16. Pair o' Leg Gals (Paralegals)
17. Return to Saunter
18. Cancanoodle
19. The Discompany
20. Inspector Pirouettes (Poireau)
21. The Tony Dancers (Tony Danzas)
22. Salsangels
23. Barton Phunk

Dear Pungents, a pyromania pun please! ~Kate, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Hear about the lousy pyromanic, who was fired from his job? He went on the Arsonio Hall show to complain.
2) Hear about the mathematician who torched his house on March 14? He was quite the pi rho.
3) Comedian Richard was a pryoromaniac.
4) Pyromaniacs aren't very hardworking. They're always blazing on the job.
5) Pyromania puns are awful. They're the flamest of jokes.

Dear Pungents, something relating to my school motto, incorporating 'light' or 'enlightenment' or James Bond and light (referring to the year seeing as its 007), would be very much appreciated. Our motto is 'Light come visit me.' ~Emily, Hobart, Tasmania, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "After graduation, get on a flight! Come visit me."
2) "Lichen, visit me! I'll moss everyone from 2007! We had fungus! Shaloam!"
3) '"007 - It's been a bonderful year."
4) "James Bond was an Irish-Arab Swede. They called him Dubai O'Sven."

Dear Pungents, I need puns on English and American writers. ~Anna, Gomel, Belarus

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Hemingway was quite overweight in his later years, when he wrote For Whom Belt Holes."
2) "Joseph Conrad wrote about an evil wind that blinds men's eyes. It was called Fart of Darkness."
3) "Who was hung like a horse? 'S'a mule johnson."
4) "Which playwright was always agitating his friends? Shakespeer."
5) "Hear that Dickens wrote a sequel to Melville's Moby Dick? He called it A Whale of Two Titties."
6) "Jane Austen's epic about frugality? Cents and Sensibility."
7) "Kurt Vonnegut Jr. is a master of dark comedy. He put the laughter in Slaughterhouse 5."

Dear Pungents, I'm in New Zealand and hungry for, nay demanding, puns associated with my temporary home. ~Peter, Wellington, NZ

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Want to know about New Zealand? Look it up on Kiwipedia!"
2) "I bought a kiwi at a silent auckland."
3) "If I move to Wellington, I'm going to run for Maori."
4) "Didn't the Beatles write a song about the Isle of Taxman?"
5) "Will New Zealanders ever get over their constitutional confusion? Let's Wait an gi."
6) "Punsters love New Zealand. Didn't Peter Jackson film Lord of the Zings there? (The shoot was well orcanized, and the films quite ent-ertaining.)"
7) "The way they treated the aboriginals is absolutely appolynesian."

Dear Pungents, can you think of one that somehow integrates Nickelback and how much they suck? P.S. it has to be extra witty. ~Jamie, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Nickelback offends all five centses."
2) "They should have called the song Fyodor on the Floor - b/c it's a crime and punishment."
3) "What made me stop listening to Nickelback? All the right reasons."
4) "The only reason I don't plant my fist in Chad Kroeger's face, is that I'd want my knuckles back."
5) "Feces how you remind me of what I really am..."

Dear Pungents, I need a pun combining a fantasy creature (fairy, pixie, etc) with a graphic design term. ~Laura, Charlotte, NC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Images of fairies tend to be quite pixiellated."
2) "Photography? Yes I enjoy snapping pixies."
3) "What's the elf-stop for this camera?"
4) "Do Photoshop dragons live in secret underground layers?"
5) "I couldn't tell what the princess looked like, because she wore an image mask." (play on words)
6) "Graphic design involves a lot of dragon dropping."
7) "Photoshop is fairy difficult to understand."
8) "When coding graphics for a fantasy video game, always check your sorceror-code."

Dear Pungents, I need a pun with the words jazz and classical music, something like 'he's a jazzical artist', meaning he plays classical and jazz and also rocks. Thanks. ~Arax, Yerevan, Armenia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Mozzart. Strauzz. Debuzzy: Classical, meet jazz: "
2) "Top of the clazz."
3) "Jazz + classical: kickassical."
4) "Choral jazz chanting: the Thelonius Monks?"

Dear Pungents, a pun on maids as live-in helpers. Thanks. ~Angel, Singapore

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) "A live-in housekeeper should be quiet. In fact she ought to be anannymous.
2) "Live-in housemaids should never talk back. No ifs ands or butlers."
3) "For lazy aristocratic existentialists like Sartre, Help is other people."
4) "I like having a live in maid. Help aupairs whenever I need it."
5) "Mafia types always have housekeepers. Because they're maid men."

Dear Pungents, a pun about birth control or contraceptives. ~Andrea, Green Bay, Wisconsin

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Sorry, Andrea, we're really firing blanks here!"
2) "Does one buy contraception at a condominium?"
3) "Hear about the dyslexic couple who got drunk and tried to conceive while driving? Unfortunately it was a case of IUD."
4) "What's a better contraceptive: The Sperminator, or the Great Wall of Vagina? Well, the latter was impregnable"
5) "Do those who work at a sperm bank use the withdrawal method?"

Dear Pungents, a good pun i can use in my algebra class - not using 'division as the vision' or a pencil being pointless. Thank you ~Andrew, Fairfield, Connecticut

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) "Are algebra students smart? Yes, they are vari able individuals."
2) "The hair-obsessed algebra student was careful to check his coifficient."
3) "Did the mathematicians in The Matrix drive invertibles?"
4) "Are mathematicians heavy sleepers? Yes, they have BEDMAS."

Dear Pungents, a pun about youth. ~Nicole, Kuala Lampur, Malaysia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) "Children have value. They're very youthful."
2) "Penning youth puns is not as easy as youth ink."
3) "Who was the father of child psychology? Carl Jung."
4) "Some people think the ill and elderly should have the option of killing themselves - especially in heavily populated Eastern countries. But I disagree. Who will look after the youth in Asia?"

Dear Pungents, a pun about something that will improve and revive skin elasticity, restore collagen effectively, maintain beautiful youthful and supple skin, prevent aging. ~Chen, Kuala Lampur, Malaysia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "What the elderly lack in beauty, they make up for in intelligence. Each old person is aging-ius (a genius)."
2) "Youthfulness isn't simply genetic - agene can't prevent aging."
3) "Kinky? Skin's key."
4) "Skin conditioners don't work well. There's always a wrinkle or two."
5) "Those who go to beauty collagen don't just pay lips service."
6) "Jesus gave away all His revitalizing skin creams - at the Last Supple."

Dear Pungents, a pun on 'Leah'. ~Heather, Valdosta

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) Leahve me alone
2) One Life to Leahve.
3) Leahway
4) Princess Leah
5) PLeah bargaining
6) Leahther pants

Dear Pungents, I want to make fun of my friend's moniker. A pun on 'fool' and 'pocket' please. Thanks! ~Ryan, Bristol, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Is your pocket fool or are you just happy to see me?"
2) "Man, I suck at pool. Focket!"
3) When Mr. T lost weight he could finally get into his hot tub. He said "I fitty the pool!"
4) (in a parking lot) "If all the spots are fool, then take your car and pocket over there."

Dear Pungents, I need one of your finest puns, regarding a "Sword" and a "God" in the same pun preferably. Thanks a lot fellas, keep up that good shit! Stay blessed. ~Marsellus, Manchester, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Listen to the Sword of God.
2) Excalibur is quite ornately decorated. It is a sword with divine properties - and so by rights it should be Goddy.
3) I was struck down by God's sword, in one foil swoop. I was scimitarred and feathered. I was blade to rest.
4) Without his divine blade at his side, the chief Greek deity was absolutely Zeusless.
5) I was wounded by the Norse God's battleaxe, and I'm still feeling Thor.

Dear Pungents, our friend Steve is moving from Nashville to Fort Myers, Florida. He loves BBQ, coffee & bad puns, and is an inspector for homeland security. ~Alex, Nashville, TN

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) "Steve, everyone admyers you for moving out of town."
2) "You won't ever see another tennis match, now that you're leaving Tennis-see! And the barbecues in Fort Myers certainly won't be as good as in Noshville!"
3) "Steve's love of caffeine sometimes gets in the way of catching terrorists. For example, he was a bit confused when he thought the Lybian dictator was Moammar Good-Coffee (Khadaffi, get it? ...yikes)!"

Dear Pungents, I need a pun for a charity leaflet to help under-nourished children in Malaysia. Something to do with vitamin C, chewable tablets, protein/carbohydrate deprivation, food scarcity and such. Thanks. ~Chen, Kuala Lampur, Malaysia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) Make a donation and you'll C the difference.
2) When we C malnourished children on the street, we invitamin for food!
3) The food shortages in Kuala Lampur are distressing. It's scare city!
4) Vitamin tablets. Chews life.
5) Let's take the 'malady' out of Malaysia.

Dear Pungents, I'm putting on a school play and I need a better title than "The Pied Piper of Hamelin" - references to pipers, pipes, or rats would be marvelous! ~John, Sydney, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) One Flute Over the Cuckoo's Nest
2) Ratman Begins - now on Piper-View (it's a moused-see!)
3) The Verminator
4) Murder, She Rodent
5) The Pied Piper of Hamelin - a brilliant one-man plague

Dear Pungents, a woman I work with does not pronounce the word 'library' properly. She says "lie-berry" as in, "If I do an interlieberry loan can I take the book out of the building?". She's in her late 20s, not kindergarten. It's starting to freak me out. I'd like to correct her without sounding like little-miss-micro-manager-pants. ~Ainsley, Ottawa, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "I have to be honest with people when they make mistakes. I don't lie berry well."
2) "You know which country is most mispronounced? Liberia."
3) "You know what my favourite fruit is? Strawbraries. I also like bluebraries." [repeat for as many berries as there are]

Dear Pungents, I am a podiatrist, I work with feet. I know the obvious ones, but if I have to put up with smelly feet, I'd like to inflict puns as revenge. Please help! ~Ali, Sydney, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Man you got some stinky feet. What do I look like - a poodiatrist?"
2) "Take care of your feet. Don't make me say I toe'd you so!"
3) "What's stinkier than an union bun? A bunion pun."
4) "I met a cute chick who had a nasty infection. I didn't care though, she's a fun gal."
5) "Podiatry is ironic. Cuticles, for example, are ugly."
6) "A toes, to podiatry! It puts foot on my table."

Dear Pungents, a pun about Italian food please. ~Bluey, Petaling Jaya, Malaysia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Veni vidi, vino - I came, I saw, I drank."
2) "Do Italians make dog food? Yes - kenneloni!"
3) "Which dish is most addictive? Smackaroni and cheese."
4) "What's the riskiest Italian recipe? Ricotta, with your pants down!"
5) "You shouldn't eat turtleini - it's endangered."

Dear Pungents, We need a name for our boat which includes a reference to our dog - a Labrador. We're stuck, and "Lab-Oar of Love" doesn't quite cut it. ~R.J., Lake Forest, Illinois

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Waves labbing up against the dog
2) A boatiful dog
3) A Boat a Dog
4) Labbing it up!
5) Labia of Love
6) The Lab Oaratory
7) Blabbermouth
8) Label Fish (like babel fish)

Dear Pungents, a pun please about vacuum cleaners ~Dennis, Bozeman, Montana

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Do vacuum salesmen drive Hoovercrafts?"
2) "The wealthy owner of the septic-tank cleaning company ran a suck-cesspool operation."
3) "Broken vacuum cleaners suffer from suck-ual frustration."
4) "What's a vacuum's favourite author? Dustoyevsky."
5) "Vacuum cleaner repairmen get so lonely. They've seen a lot of hose."

Dear Pungents, could I please get a pun about math? ~Derek, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "What happens when you put together two rolls of single-ply toilet tissue? They multi-ply."

2) "Which mathematician liked bearskin rugs? Fermat."

3) "Before Leibniz and Newton, mathematicians were racist. There was no integration." (play on words)

Dear Pungents, I need a roller-derby name; please refer here for examples. Everything I come up with is already taken, but I will give you due credit: this is your chance to play a part in roller-derby history! Check my website to get an idea of things I'm into - and come up with a tailor-made derby-name for me! ~Liz, St. Louis, Missouri

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Skatanica
2) AGotha (Anti)Christie
3) Art Skull (with umlaut above the u)
4) Bang Her Management
5) ELiza, I Make you Cryza
6) Genital CRashes
7) Queen Cobrassiere
8) The MuSicilian Mafia

Dear Pungents, I participate in a group involved in currency tracking and would like some puns related to banknotes. Love your site, and I think if anyone can come up with some funny money puns, it's the Gents! ~Jocelyn, Vancouver, BC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Currency puns tend to be real kroners."
2) "Scientists are still working on the origins of the Big Bank."
3) "If coin-collecting is numismatics, is banknote-collecting Loomismatics?"
4) "Can I offer you some paper mint T...bills?"
5) "Did you ever know that you're my euro?..."
6) "Why are there problems with counterfeiting of large bills? If the bills are so large, they shouldn't fit on counters!"

Dear Pungents, I need a pun that links biking to a charity campaign my office is running for an umbrella organization representing 16 health charities. Something that puts "bike" and "give money" together. ~ Kristen, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Does cycling ring a bell? It certainly has a peal!

2) Biking + Charity = fun-raising

3) Join us on our highway to health

4) Our bicycles have spoke volumes!

5) Cycling for health - it's a wheel blast!