Pungents.com :: Puns on Demand

QUIT TASSLIN' ME, MAN

2008-05-01T10:02:00.002-04:00

Dear Pungents, puns about strippers please. ~Sophie, Luton, England

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

Do strippers charge customers by the guy rate?
Be careful getting involved in stripping—there are a lot of poleitics.
It's hard to get into stripping—the positions are very clothes'd off.
Strippers can't play guitar. They're missing their G-string.

TEAM BUILDING

2008-05-01T09:58:00.001-04:00

Dear Pungents, I need a bowling team name. The team consists of two guys and two girls and we are in the architecture field. ~Fred, Dallas, TX

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

Strike First
Lane in Ruins
Bowl Faced Lies
Balls to the Walls
Architects of De Spare

HARDSCRABBLE EXISTENCE

2008-05-01T09:55:00.002-04:00

Dear Pungents, a pun for a a friend's 25th birthday. She is a great fan of Scrabble and a part-time go-go dancer. ~Jason, New York City

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

Letter do what she wants
Spell binding
Triple-Whored Score
Arse and Letter

TURKEY SOLUTION

2008-05-01T09:54:00.000-04:00

Dear Pungents, we need a name for our bowling team. We work for the Ontario Works office in Norfolk County. Any assistance would be appreciated. ~Janice, Simcoe, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

Get Folked
After Works Activity
Strike Workers
Workers on Strike
Spare Workers

JETIPUS COMPLEX

2008-04-30T14:41:00.003-04:00

Dear Pungents, a pun about psychologist suffering from jet lag. ~John, Galway, Ireland

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

My brain is totally Freud.
I'm not as Jung as I used to be.
I'm having trouble getting over id. (c/o Kevin De Souza)

JUST ALLELE TOO SEXY

2008-04-30T14:35:00.002-04:00

Dear Pungents, I'm doing a presentation on the ethics of gene patents, so a few puns with 'gene' or 'patents' would make good slide headers. ~Alvin, Deland, FL

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

Your patent looks good in those genes.
Genes that are too restrictive can make you impatent.
Breaking patent law is the KISS of Death, aka Gene Summons.
Tight genes accentuate DNA.
Act 1, Gene 1

COLON, FULL STOP

2008-04-30T14:31:00.002-04:00

Dear Pungents, a name for school cafeteria cooks, please. ~Linda, Lumberton, MS

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

Animal Gruelty
Stew dense
Souper Intendants
Ingredientertainers

CASEY AT DEBIT

2008-04-07T13:28:00.000-04:00

Dear Pungents, we are a chartered accounting firm (KPMG) that needs a name for the company slo-pitch team. ~Curtis, Kelowna, BC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Don't Mess with Taxes
2) The Fiscal Specimens
3) Team Gross
4) Debtor up!
5) Escrow Yourselves
6) Champions of FIFO
7) Long Drive to the GAAP
8) Junk Bonds

YOU KNOW WHAT THYMINE...

2008-04-07T13:17:00.003-04:00

Dear Pungents, a genome-sequencing-related softball team name please! ~Purnima, Boston, MA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Allele Leaguers
2) The DNAsty
3) Genome Runs
4) DeoxyRBIboses (ack that's pretty bad)

GOODBYE, MY HART

2008-02-27T19:21:00.001-05:00

Dear Pungents, my uncle, Pembroke Hart, recently passed and I will be saying a few words at his service. He loved puns and I want to end my speech with one in his honour. He was a geologist and amateur star gazer. He was loved by many and had a kind heart. Can you help me? I think Hart and heart are definitely in the pun. Thanks! ~Laura, Annandale, Virginia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) He was a geologist. Underneath the many layers is how you get to a man's Hart, after all.
2) I'm left Hart-broken.
3) He was all heart. And a Hart act to follow.
4) He loved puns. Harty Harty Har.
5) He also loved to stare at the heavens through his telescope, as the stars illuminated the sky. I guess you'd say he had a light Hart.

SON OF A PITCH

2008-02-27T19:00:00.004-05:00

Dear Pungents, I need a name for my dental school softball team; something more catchy than Dent-in Your Face and Cavity Search--which is what we used last year. Thanks for the help! ~Jack, Philadelphia, PA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Wins and Flosses
2. Who Caries?
3. The Bat Dentists
4. The Bucky Dents
5. The Plaque Socks

SHINY HAPPY PATHOGENS

2008-02-20T19:12:00.000-05:00

Dear Pungents, I'm working on a science experiment having to do with temperature and its effects on luminescent bacteria. We need a catchy name for the title. Thanks a bunch. ~Jamie, Hillsboro, Kansas

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Shiny Happy Photobacterium
2) Lightening Rhodococcus of Controversy
3) Glow in the Dokdonella
4) The Battle of Thermophile

LA TRIVIATA

2008-02-07T11:43:00.000-05:00

Dear Pungents, we need a team name for an art trivia contest. Heavily considering your "Jackson Potlucks," since we are in Minnesota. Any other ideas? Thanks! ~Tiffany, Rochester, MN

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) The Leonerdos!
2) House of Paint
3) Pollock Bollock
4) Geek Architecture
5) The Baroquerage

BIG NAME HUNTERS

2008-01-14T19:14:00.000-05:00

Dear Pungents, I need a bowling team name for charity bowling tournament. Fairly clean is the requirement. The company sells hunting and fishing licenses if you can work that in. ~Helen, Nashville, TN

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Hooker's Lane."
2) "Spare Fishers."
3) "Shotgun alley."

ALTOIDS GOVERN MINTS

2008-01-03T18:42:00.000-05:00

Dear Pungents, Please give unto the world a pun regarding government. ~Colin, Sherwood Park, Alberta, Canada

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "I live in a satirical state. It's a them-mock-racy."
2) "Politicians should take care in a demockracy - a sassy nation is always a possibility."
3) "We'd try to think of US government puns, but we're too bushed."
4) "Does Japan have a buy-camera parliament?"
5) "It's no surprise that Hillary is running for president - she always wanted to be the senator of attention."

BOWLED AND THE BEAUTIFUL

2008-01-03T18:32:00.000-05:00

Dear Pungents, need a bowling team name pun that also incorporates substance abuse and/or disciplinary action. Bonus points if it also incorporates lawyers/the law. Thanks!!! ~Matt, Chicago, Illinois

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Lane down the law."
2) "Lucky strikes bowling"
3) "Here come the cops - we'd better split!"
4) "Pins and Needles."
5) "Spare me a dime for some lucky strikes?"

INTELLEXICAL PROPERTY RIGHTS

2007-09-06T19:16:00.000-04:00

Dear Pungents, I'd like a pun for patent attorneys: anything to do with science and technology, inventions, and/or the law. ~Charmaine, Denver, Colorado

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "The Belgians are upset that they never get credit for the invention of fries. It's a case of copyright inFrenchment."
2) "Pornstars acquire property rights for their films at the trademark orifice."
3) "Counterfeit perfumes are in violation of lie-scentsing agreements."
4) "Patent law: aka the Statute of Imitations."

CRAP ARTISTS

2007-09-06T18:43:00.000-04:00

Dear Pungents, puns please on the following words/topics: gun, gangster, grime, music , rap , freestyle, fresh. ~Xavier, Brighton, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Someone's gunna get shot!
2) "Clean up your act, because grime doesn't pay."
3) "I didn't see the hitman's target. Did Al Cap one?"
4) "Too many cooks spoil the broth. Especially with gang-stirs."
5) "Ancient Greeks builders were known for their frieze-tiling. When they tried to throw down rhymes they didn't throw up no bricks."

TOOTH OR DARE

2007-08-14T12:25:00.001-04:00

Dear Pungents, I'm making a documentary film about dental floss. (Really.) I think I've come up with a good title: "Hanging by a Thread: A Dental Floss Documentary." And a good tag line: "There is more to floss than meets the tooth." But I wanted to check if you have other suggestions. Gary Hallock told me about your site. I'm writing a book of puns and Gary wrote the foreword for it. Thanks for your help! ~Gary, Boston, MA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) The Thin Thread Line
2) Tooth or Dare
3) Profit and Floss
4) Flossed and Found
5) There is more to floss than meets the eyetooth
6) Flosstitution isn't just for johns
7) Flossing - don't get caried away!

TENNIS THE MENACE

2007-08-07T18:52:00.000-04:00

Dear Pungents, I'm on a women's tennis team in San Francisco. We're looking for a clever name for our team. Any thoughts? ~Nina, San Francisco

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Elle Deuces (El Duce)
2) The Racketteers
3) The Rackettes
4) Microserves (Microserfs)
5) The Lob-yists
6) Sets in the City

TETE DU MERDEKA

2007-06-26T22:26:00.000-04:00

Dear Pungents, "Malaysia's 50th Merdeka is so meaningful because..." ~Melissa, Johor Bahru, Malaysia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "We now enjoy a good Kuala-ty of life."
2) "We're all decked with jewelry. That's why we celebrate in de' pendants."
3) "Because a George colony is much less sexy than George Clooney."
4) "We've reached middle Asian we're having fun!"

ISLAND HIGHLANDS

2007-06-26T22:12:00.000-04:00

Dear Pungents, I need a pun for my sister who is doing a master's in archaeology in the Orkney Islands, Scotland. Her name is Shannon. ~Mike, Halifax, Nova Scotia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) "Haggis yourself a good time! They'll be lots of Scottish Shannonigans!"
2) "Careful, I heard those islands are pretty disOrkneyized."
3) "Those who study arc heel ology are never caught flat footed."

MOLLUSKED IN YONKERS?

2007-05-03T18:51:00.001-04:00

Dear Pungents, My wife is a professional ballerina who is retiring after 16 years. A solo has been created for her incorporating a theme of seashells. I'm proud of my own punmanship, and I don't want to mussel in on your territory, but I figured I'd call out the heavy artillery for this one. There's a big retirement party for her, and I want as many "shell" references (without straying too far into the overall "ocean" or "fish" themes). I've got the obvious: Lawrence Whelk, shellfish/selfish, but I'll take any assistance you guys can come up with! With friends like you guys, who needs anemones? ~Lorne, Winnipeg, MB

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Meet George Jetsam.
2) Sea shells Sanctuary (the Cult song, hello??)
3) She's Prawn Quixote and I'm her Concho Panza.
4) Oh, the clamity!
5) I hope the critics won't chiton her routine.
6) If Pat Sajak were here he'd ask 'Would you like to bi a valve?'
7) We thought about calling it 'Return to Sander'.
8) This place has pretty good fossilities.
9) I'm lucky to have my wife. I'm glad she was the marine type.

BOWLING FOR LOVERS

2007-04-23T16:11:00.000-04:00

Dear Pungents, We're about to join a couples bowling league and need a team name. Thanks! ~Jason and Karen, Cumberland, RI

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) Clark Kent and Lois Lane
2) (Don't) Strike Your Spouse
3) Love to Spare
4) We're not Splitsville!
(all plays on words)

JAY-V

2007-04-02T22:32:00.000-04:00

Dear Pungents, please describe my job as a professional video producer: I shoot and edit video tours of 'reel estate' for sale or rent. The videos can be produced for other businesses, too. Finally, these short films are for streaming on the Internet. ~Jay, Providence, Rhode Island

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Jay V See
2) Jay-V's Home Videos
3) Veni Vidi Video.
4) Short films aka Vidgets
5) The ProdiJay
6) "See videos of your new home on Jay's Internest Streaming."