Catching swine flu is a porcine of health.
diseases
Careful – if you kiss an Irish rock star, you might get Bono.
NED: Joe Malignant is no longer my friend.
ED: Why not?
NED: Because – he’s always spreading tumours about me!
Cats with spots may be forced to join a leopard colony.
I never got into those Fifty Shades books. I have an eroto-immune disorder.
Why does a dirty old man chase after girls who have had liver transplants?
Because he likes them new-bile!
Every sanitorium should have a restaurant–to ensure its coughers are full.
If you look at these digital photos of the wounded soldier up close, it looks like he was shot by a Canon.
When it comes to visual acuity, people with myopia are in the lowest squintile.
Lepers live and die by the sore.

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