Those who enjoy dipping their testicles in ice cream suffer from cone genital abnormalities.

Pakistani President Musharraf is an excellent dancer. In the last few days, he showed the world he knows how to shake his Bhutto.

In the days leading up to Christmas, people in San Francisco did everything they could to avoid the mauls, as they were a real zoo. The only people who weren't worried were lawyers with an escape claws.

Rowan Atkinson refuses to do nude scenes, due to insecurity over his pale complexion. He wrote about it, in fact: The Unbareable Whiteness of Bean.

NED: Do you blog?
ED: No.
NED: Really, I thought you did.
ED: Well, I do keep a diarrhea, but only on Splatterdays.

Forget Christmas carols. It's time to perform Johann's arias, because today is Bach sing day.

What should you give a ghost for Christmas?

Presence.

For delaying a shipment of pudding, I was thrown into a Siberian prison, aka the goo lag!

Why did Frank Costanza serve chicken for Festivus?

Because he loved pole-tree .

Prince Charles has just throne another fit, but as usual he's full of hot heir. He needs to turn that crown upside down!

Which member of the royal family collects photos of fat women?

Charles, aka The Prints of Whales.

When the geometer fell and twisted his angle, he suffered acutely.

Hey, meet some gnu friends of ours: the lovely lasses at That's Punny! have a great pun-photo blog for your ocular entertainment!

Some Russian freedom fighters are actually Chinese. The most famous example would be the notorious Chechen Chong.

The state of emergency may be over, but the President's dictatorship in Pakistan remains Pervez-ive.

I don't have any livestock after China took over Macau.

Horror movies make me screamish.

Never trust a person who is intersex: they usually have hidden a gender.

My greatest sphere is that the Earth is round.

The asstronaut got lonely in space, so he entered Uranus by the dark side of the moon; butt he sure didn't planet that way! In fact, his ship crapped out on him because of a bum engine, and that's what really rectum. His ass-kicking feet entered the anals of history!

Did you hear about the dyslexic gambler who was addicted to Jack Black movies?

Breaking News: Conrad Black just felon hard times. The newspaper magnate has attracted a lot of press recently.

Was Thoreau a hermit?

Well he did have a Walden existence.

Hypothetical situations are best described as whether forecasts.

Wired? Then why read?

NED: I'd like to form a lynch mob.
ED: I dunno, that's pretty extreme.
NED: Just think of the posse abilities...

NED: Sorry there was no joke online this morning.
ED: What happened?
NED: My connection was all tied up...
ED: Really?
NED: It's the Interknot!

If laser beams are good for light work, then lazier beams are good for nothing.

Hear about the dyslexic clairvoyant nurse who didn't bother to charge for her services, because she could fee into the suture?

As she's watching the paparazzi ruckus from heaven, I'm sure she wished to have been Princess Die-anonymously.

Which boxer took so many punches he got a hole in the back of his head?

George Foramen.