NED: How was your trip to the farm?
ED: Very bizarre!
NED: Why's that?
ED: Well, I never thought I'd see a wasp screwing a bull, butt lowin' bee-hole - there it was!

Internet addiction is a big problem in E-stonia.

There's Norway Ice Scand Finnish this Danish: It tastes too Swede!

Fat-free dairy products may promote healthy living, but yoga hurts.

They say that donkeys are stubborn, but St. Francis had a way with animals, and he even taught his donkey to bake! When asked how he did it, the Saint replied that it was "Assisi ass pie!"

Baking has a lot of rules. There are a lot of doughs and donuts.

The manager who couldn't afford new pens obviously didn't have a Bic budget.

The imam felt ashamed when his prayer web site was accused of promoting terrorism. He said it was very e-mosque-ulating.

If you're at work and the shit hits the fan, the first thing to do is look for your pooper-visor.

After he had his skin bleached, Michael Jackson felt de-hue-manized.

There will be many more Italians on Earth, after the Human Gino-me Project.

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I regretted my sex change after watching Trans formers.

NED: I dropped my jar of strawberry jam. It landed on the floor!
ED: Oh no.
NED: Now it's busted. I wasn't ex-pectin that.

Some philosophies have strict guidelines, but adlibertarians are free to make things up.

Note to late-night partyers: If you crank the amps, you risk a fine. It will cost an arm and a leg.

Boy George has tried out to replace Steve Irwin. He can't wrestle crocodiles, but he can calm a chameleon.

Unemployment is dangerous. For instance, it makes a lot of people in the West Bank Hamas idle.

Bible science: A mathematician swinging a donkey was refused entry on No Ass Arc.

Which logical relation helps you kick ass at video games?

Modus pwnens.

Lining up to urinate is pee-queue-liar behaviour.

I knew the Broadway Theatre award show was corrupt when, at the banquet, they served rigatoni.

How much of the Bible makes you want to sing?

Only Psalm of it.

The age of religious factionalism is not over. In the news these days, Snoop Dogg is responsible for the Great Shizzum.

Teflon has been around since ancient times. For example, the Gnostics.

John liked donkey patties, but Paul did not. The Beatles suffered from "ass burgers syndrome", and one reason for their break-up was their autistic differences.

Sterilizing food with urine is, unfortunately, a pees meal solution.

A lynch mob formed after the cat killed a mouse. They decided to round up a pussy.

NED: I refuse to write poetry about pigs' knees.
ED: Why's that?
NED: It's against my religion. I don't do pigs' knees. Is that controversial?
ED: Well, you sure have a hardline stanza on a boar shin!

I made an mp3 of my car slowing down. It was a record braking event.

To some, marijuana is precious. They think it should be Smeagolized.