If you live in Turkey, and you're not European, then what are you?

Eurasian.

Why did the pope forbid Catholics from traveling to the land of the beavers?

Because - he wanted them to avoid dam nation!

All direct marketers shall be cast into the flyers of hell.

Why do most bus drivers switch careers and eventually become prostitutes?

It's the transit-whorey nature of the job.

The blind man protesting outside the White House was brailling against authority.

What do bad Eskimos get in their stockings for Xmas?

A lump of cold.

PSAs for erectile dysfunction are so Viagravating.

Do mechanics only eat salad with wrench dressing?

Getting your head chopped off by a glass shard is a real pane in the neck.

There was a rare National Geographic clip of an elephant ingesting its own proboscis. Unfortunately the footage was trunkated.

Do violinists sleep around?

Yes, they straddle various.

There was a man arrested for throwing hot coffee in people's faces. The police report noted 'the suspect made use of brewed force'.

If you want to meet an uncouth gigolo, just hang around the porking lout.

There is one news agency that never gets the story. They call it Loiters.

Is it very fun when a Frenchman tells you to pronounce the words 'ink', then 'Roy', then 'apple'?

Indeed - say ink Roy apple!

NED: Do pigeons make a lot of noise?
ED: Don't ask me - I haven't got a coo!

During the government enumeration process, there was an old woman who kept handing out pie. She said, "It's a treat for the census!"

Hear the pun about the rooster who celebrated Remembrance Day?

It's a load of poppycock.

Paleoanthropologists recently discovered the fossilized remains of primitive 'bargain hunters'. They've named them the Costcolopithecus.

Did all the goodlooking women go naked during the London Blitz?

Yes - there were many 'aerate' sirens.

Too many radiation puns on this site?

Yes - we've reached an all-time glow.

Louis Armstrong doing spots for Nike? Jazz do it!

The Queen ordered that all the redwoods in England be cut down, because despite their height they gave very little shade. "They are guilty," she said, "of high tree sun."

In his college days, Einstein had a psychedelic dream about hobbits being struck by lightning. He awoke and proclaimed to the world this discovery - of the Frodo-electric effect.

Eve's husband let one rip, right in the Garden. It was the first recorded Adam bomb.

When a Cambodian warlord wants to put on alluring makeup, does he use 'come-here' rouge?

Which famous playwright made fruit smoothies?

Shakes pear.

Manhole covers sewer are grate!

Graverobbers get up to a lot of skulldiggery.

Why do cannibals attending university only eat the head, the buttocks and the genitals?

Because they're so skull-ass-dick!